You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
