I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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