If that was your dad, he is hot
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
