So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
