What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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