You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
