Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
