i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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