I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
