I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize