ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want a musical about memes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
