I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
