i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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