I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
