Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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