If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
