i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
