Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
