i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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