I heard we made out
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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