whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
