i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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