HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
