i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
