eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me I should be a condom model.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
