Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
