apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
