The police scanner is talking about you again....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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