I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
