why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
