You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
