God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize