There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
