Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
