your parents love me but you hate me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
