he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
