If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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