When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize