The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
