I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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