Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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