Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
