she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
