i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
