she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
