Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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