Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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