Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
