Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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