A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
