If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
