his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
