it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
