sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
