If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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