That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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