At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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