i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
