dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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