the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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