In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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