why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
