i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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