Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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