well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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