Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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