would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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