you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
