New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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