I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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