Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
