Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I AM VODKA MAN
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
