she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
