I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
